It’s way too late for me. Listening to Pyramids-Frank Ocean and having flashbacks to the weird dreams I’ve been having lately. Everything from a monkey inside a box that gives me blankets to stay warm to a skyscraper of a man made of wind. He walked for a while, then staggered and fell to the ground. It trembled as he fell. In the dream I knew this was the end. That for some reason, this entity hitting the Earth below spelled something apocalyptic. The Fall of Man. 

Someone with drawing talent should draw that. Because I certainly can’t lolz

Emily told me I should write more on here, so here it goes. 

I have successfully gone beyond the normal policies of my college in perhaps the most uninteresting way today, but you’re all gonna hear about it anyway dammit.

My laundry room is in the basement, and they either take money off of our school card or quarters to run the machines. No exceptions. I decided to use the change machine I thought was in there, so I left my card in my room and ventured down with only a wallet full of ones and a bin full of clothes. 

Upon arriving in the hole of cleanly despair, I noticed the change machine I thought was promised to me was absent. Only laundry machines that spun and garbled mockingly. I toted my bin of clothes into the lounge next door to see if the mythical change machine resided there. The only things inside were a shitty pooltable, 3 vending machines, exercise equipment, and a large screen TV hooked up to a DVD/VCR combo. Because people totally use those today. 

I frowned, feeling the laundry services of my University had gotten the best of me. But then an idea struck! “Haha! You stupid cunts! My shit stained clothes shall be cleaned yet!” 

I took out my wallet and started to penetrate the second vending machine with my dollar only to find out that it too was accepting only coins. You fucks. You fucking fucks. I moved on to the third machine (having skipped the first entirely because it worked about as well as Viagra on a deflated balloon) and stuffed my dollar in. Success! I pushed the return change button, expecting to hear four satisfying clinks in the return tray, but paused after hearing the first. And only. I pulled the coin out of the tray only to see Sacagawea’s smug ass face looking over her shoulder. I didn’t even have to speak Shoshone to know what she was saying. “Nice fucking try, shitbread. That kinda sneaky fuckery don’t work around here.” Her baby even seemed like he was in on it. I was broken. My laundry wouldn’t get done because I knew I was far too lazy and far too proud to tote my laundry back to the elevator and ride all the way back up and face the stupid Orientation Leaders with my same load of dirty laundry in my hands. 

But then, from the darkness of my mind came another vision of genius. I looked at Sacagawea’s face and smiled. She knew what had to happen now. I put her in the coin slot of the machine adjacent to her birthing place and watched her tumble down into the darkness. Coin return button. Four satisfying clinks and four faces of none other than George Fucking Washington. I did this process over one more time and had enough money to wash my clothes. I stuffed them in victoriously, and rode the elevator to the top floor and brandished my ass to the city in glory. I had bested it. This city was defeated by none other than a 21 year old college student who cleverly figured out an alternative to walking to a change machine.

I know, in that moment, the buildings shuddered slightly in terror, for they knew of the Beast that had Risen. 

Okay yeah being in Boston is fucking great and all but it would be so much better if she were here.